Who's the Man?
by Jazee
Summary: AU. Not HBP compliant, 7th year, and voldemort was killed in the summer. Eros Amouradorus is the new kid or is he? Draco is crushing on Cho Chang who likes Eros who is Hermione who likes her roommate... Draco? RR. Rated T for Language...maybe. HGDM enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: This is a blend of she's the man and Harry Potter you don't actually have had to watch the movie to read this. HrDM fic. This is my first fanfic.

a/n: Please review, I would love constructive criticism but no flamers. As I said this is my first fic and I don't want to get discouraged. Thanks Read, Enjoy, and review. Oh and by the way for reference reasons italics are thoughts and if I get lazy I'll have bold, underlined and normal indicating peoples lines.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the plot

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**Who's the Man**

They were in a dark room nothing could be seen but shadows. There was minimal lighting and nothing could be seen but faint lines outlining the features of the two people talking.

"**They are so thick"**

"They are not, they have just as complex minds as ours, they just have troubles expressing their emotions." Sounding matter-of-fact.

"**Then why couldn't they figure out my emotions?"**

"Perhaps they think everything we do has a double meaning"

"**But everything we do do has a double meaning."**

"Did you tell 'them' it was an important day?"

"**Are we still talking about the same person?"**

"I don't know about you but I was speaking strictly theoretically, I mean they just have antithetic methods of conceiving information." again very matter-of-factly.

"**Huh?"**

Sighing "they just have a different way of thinking" the person said slowly to their companion; almost as is they were talking a small child.

"**Oh" the person looked like they finally got the point of the discussion "They are so thick"**

"They are not."

"**Are too."**

"I'm not going to sink to this level of immaturity, I'm not going to argue with you."

"**EXCUSE ME!!!" said the person their voice rising several octaves, while looking outraged and slightly put out. The person started pouting.**

"Nothing personal."

"**How can that not be personal!" again rising several octaves.**

"Haven't you heard the saying (A/N: not a direct quote because I can't remember it but it is along these lines) 'smart people discuss, stupid people argue'?"

"**No, does that saying even exist?"**

"YES!" looking put out because of their intelligence was coming into question " and now you have."

"**They are thick and I'm sticking by my point unless you can prove it, and you are not going to change my mind until then!" saying that all in one breathe.**

"IS THAT A CHALLENGE?" that person said glaring daggers into their friend. That persons eyes turning slightly red from anger or may be that was just the candles.

"**YES IT IS!!" **

"FINE, I WILL!"

"**FINE!"**

"FINE!"

"**FINE!"** **taking a second to think the person looked utterly confuzzled " Wait, how are you going to prove it?"**

"You'll see and you're going to help me" said the person grinning evilly.

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Confused yet? Review. Click the purpleish blue button. Come on you know you want to.


	2. The plan

**Disclaimer:**I don't own any of these characters or the plot.

A/N:Thanks for the reviews. I realize that sometimes reading dialogue gets confusing sometimes (well for me anyways, though it just might be me). So bold means the important person (at the moment) who the main character is talking to, underline is second most important person, underline bold is third most important person and Italisized are things going on in Hermione's head at he moment. Not to worry though I will indicate who is talking. I think it may be confusing at times, but bare with me.

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**In Dumbledore's Office**

**"Welcome dear child, what brings you here?" Dumbledore asked warmly**

"ah...h...hello, P...Pro..fessor, I was...um...doing a project?" _Yeah! That's it, a project _"And it seems a have come to a stop in the proverbial path of progretion" gaining confidence as Hermione spoke.

**"I see," he said looking thoughtful while his twinkled slightly, " and what is this project?" He stopped to think and then continued**_, what is so freaking amusing,_**"If I may ask, that is."**

"Of course, the project is on the thinking patterns of males and the interaction in male to male and/or male to female relationships"

**"And may I ask how you stumbled across this project?" Looking quite curious, and if you looked closer you could see his eyes twinkling slightly more.**

"Well, I started the project when I was ten using my teenage brothers as unwilling participants."

**"Sooo.., basically, you as a ten-year-old sister were spying on your brothers" he said in a very patronizing way.**

_It's not that funny, I do not appreciate being laughed at._ A blush spread over her face "Well...erm...yes..but it..umm...sounds better the way I said it, and I have research. Unfortunately, my test subjects were not willing and it is hard learning their behavioral patterns in the third person, this stopped my research. I was wondering if I could continuemy research in more controlled settings."

**He replied with a very serious look on his face "Well, I see how you would have trouble in the male to male interaction, but couldn't you just develop a setting for female to male interaction?" Unfortunately, the fact that his eyes were twinkling like mad ruined the effect.**

She blushed again "Well... you see... umm... with my studies I have no time for such things and... I...I'm... not that... umm great at... erm... creating those types of... erm... situations." She replied stuttering and resembling something like a tomatoe. Gain back some of her composure at revealing her rather pathetic personal life she said "And in order to rightfully accomplish the conclusion I must start to think like a male."

**His eyebrow shot into his ever receding hairline "Oh". Thinking again "So what exactly do you wish to do, Hermione"**

"I...I... want to re-enter the school as a male exchange student"

His eyes twinkling even more (if possible) "Now sir, please this research will be useful to all teenage girls..."

**He put his hand up to silence her, and closed his eyes "It is a brilliant idea"**

"Sir?" she asked completely confuzzled, she didn't actually expect Dumbledore to agree.

**"This is a great way to rediscover yourself, besides if I hadn't agreed you would have done this behind my back, and I would not get as many, if any, details."**

_He's completely off his rocker, I knew he meddled in student affairs but not quite this much._"Okay?" not quite sure what to say.

**"Now child, you will need a name, someone, preferably a student to help you, a potion and new clothes"**

**"**Erm, a potion? sir?"

**"Yes a sex-changing potion," he said immediately knowing what to do, **_Why does he know exactly what to do, it's like he has students come up to him every year to change there gender. Hmm, that makes me wonder, I knew it! I knew Milicent couldn't honestly be a girl, I wonder how many other slytherin "girls" have taken this potion or "boys" for that matter? I always wondered why they'd slap each others asses after a winning Quidditch game. I once saw Goyle looking way to long at ... _**" Miss Granger, Miss Granger" he said waving his hand in front of her face. "Were you listening to me?"**

Hermione broken out of her reverie about the gender and sexual orientation of most of the slytherin students, bowed her head and said "Sorry, sir, I was wondering about somethings."

**"No Milicent hasn't taken tbe potion, she's just naturally..." Dumbledore trailed off, shuddering slightly, though he remembered he was talking to a student. "and I was thinking about the name you should pick it."**

_How did he know that? Well it might be because she looks like a guy and has a mustache. _Hermione remembering where she is replied " I was thinking Hermes Gregory, but I never really liked the name Hermes, also I was thinking that only Ginny, you, and I would know about this."

**"Yes, well, if your planning on keeping your identity a secret from the teachers that name is a very obvious," after a while of thinking " and I presume that Ms. Weasley is going to help you, though I would recommend a boy"**

"I don't...I can't tell Ron couldn't act if his life depended on it and I can't tell Harry because he'd tell Ron." after a while of pitying herself Hermione started wondering," Sir, what about the students finding out?"

**"Some of them are quite dim, and most of them are too busy worrying about school and their hormones to figure it out, though I would stay away from Lavender and Parvati if you can help it. So have you chosen a new name?"**

"Yes, How about Eros Amouradorus?"

**"Good, a very romantic name and considering you're not very romantic it will be perfect" **_I am so romantic she huffed mentally otherwise I wouldn't have chosen that name._ **"Now, Dobby, can you please fetch Ms. Weasley?" **

Thinking Dumbledore had gone a senile on her she opened her mouth to reply, when " Yes, sir, Dumbledore sir, Dobby will make sure Ms. Weasley come's up here." replied Dobby's squeaky voice.

"**You and Ginny will go to Hogsmeade this weekend to go shopping," Hermione was about to interrupt when he raised his hand to silence her, " I realize that this weekend is not a Hogsmeade weekend, you and Ginny are going alone so that no one finds out about your doings. I will be funding this, of course, considering I am your great-great-great grandfather, besides I don't use half the money I make anyway."**

"But...?"

**"I am your great-great-great grandfather because in order to become someone completely different, you must be pureblood or rather seem to be."**

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So what do you think? Please review. By the way I need a couple of names, one guy name and three girl names, any suggestions? 


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